Family

Aloha for My Father

I wrote the following post on March 31st, 2009. The day my dad passed away on the island of Oahu in Hawaii. He was taken there after suffering a stroke at his second home on Molokai.

My father died this morning. At 72. This leaves me with no parents. Orphans? My sisters and I ask ourselves and each other? Does that make you an orphan in your 30s or 40s? And since both our parents were linguistically picky- we wonder about the precise definition.
I came to Hawaii to see him – or not see him – urgently yesterday. This place – this magical place to which we’ve come our entire lives. Where my dad spent half his time. Where time – stands – still.

My doctor-sister said it was possible he would be gone when we arrived. Fortunately for us – he held on. One sister (there are 4 in all) is in Alaska – held to that frozen ground by the clouds of ash from Mt Redoubt’s latest offering. Technology, bless it or curse it, allowed us to have her by phone in the final moments. There was peace. I’m glad I was here. I was not so lucky with my mother.

As we are all quite efficient there was a flurry of calls – logistics – loved ones – permits… things that you vaguely imagine but can’t quite comprehend until they are thrust upon you and must be dealt with. Me? You think. I have to figure this out? But really, it is no big thing… it is possible.

And we moved hotels. Mai-Tais and tears – cheers to the man he was – one or the other of us occasionally spiraling off from the cluster to make or take a call.

I came to return to this room. Life passed me by on my way: an elderly woman being assisted on the stairs by her daughter or niece… a bride with perfect hair and her glowing husband, radiant at his catch and clasping her flowing orchids… families with tanned babies and inner tubes… trays of iced green tea and plumeria leis… kindness of Hawaiians “Mahalo,” thank you, they say. And “Aloha” which means both hello and goodbye.

© 2009 Work Life Balance.